Episode 32: Awareness Study Journal

Talking truth about "self-improvement" as it relates to health, overall wellness, and expressing the truest version of you. This is Marta Mrotek with Something Honest…..

There’s a great big, huge gray area between being unaware and totally self-awar,e and I think most of us are wandering around in that gray area most of the time... But there are moments of extreme clarity and sometimes unexplained moments of intuitive thought that feel like they come from out of nowhere… But I actually think all of that information comes from somewhere inside you, and I believe we all have a part of us that can rise above all the gray and see what we need to see.

So, today we’re gonna talk more about applying the principle of awareness as a tool for becoming more self-aware and exactly what that means in relationship to some of the indications for practice, some of the benefits of practice, and at the end, we have a writing exercise to help you further explore that part of your inner world.

Last time we did a lot of talking about personal perception versus objective reality, and how most of us still have some work that we need to do on the inside, and seeing ourselves more clearly before we can truly see the outside world for what it really is. And some of that does play out in very practical ways as you start working your way through some of those old filters and stories that the ego has been telling, to, essentially to protect you from objective reality, and sometimes even to protect you from the truth about yourself. And with every one of those realizations, no matter how small, you open yourself up to new information. Because there’s almost always some healing that happens there, and every amount of healing raises your frequency at least to some extent. And it doesn’t have to be something massive or traumatic that comes to the surface for it to make a difference in the way you see yourself and everybody else.

And you’re gonna see over the next 15 minutes or so, how everything that we’re talking about here has been building with the exploration of every principle… Learning to connect with the truth that already lives in you and believing that you do possess that little spark of light that keeps us all connected with absolutely everything.

I don’t care who you are, or what you’ve done, or even what’s happened to you, or what other people have said about you or to you.. There is a part of you that knows the whole truth about you. And it doesn’t just know the bad and the ugly, it knows all of the good stuff too…  And if we’re using analogies that relate to physical senses, it’s not just about seeing clearly, it’s also about learning to listen to the part of you that always tells the truth. If you’ve been listening to the part that says you’re not good enough or strong enough or smart enough or whatever enough… I’m here to tell you right now… that voice is a liar. And if you can’t hear that voice that keeps coming back around, nudging you, maybe even badgering you to stop doing something that’s bad for you or to start doing something that’s good for you, that’s an indication for this practice…

Indications for Practice

And especially if you do hear that voice, and you intentionally shut it down, because we do that sometimes, I know what that’s like too.. Ignoring that voice is a huge indication for practice. Ignoring the part of you that knows what you need to do eventually leads to not being able to recognize it anymore. And that doesn’t mean that voice that knows what’s right isn’t there anymore. It just means you’ve been listening to the liar for too long, and it’s usually lying because change is uncomfortable, and studying yourself can be painful, and facing what needs to change in your life is very often difficult. So I’ve got a long list of signs and indicators for a lack of self-awareness and some of them seem like exact opposites because they can show up in different people at different times in different ways, and some of them can be hard to recognize at first because sometime these are the areas of the inner experience that we’ve actually been hiding from ourselves… but I’m just gonna run through them, as quickly as I can, and I’m gonna ask you to take your guard down here and get really honest with yourself to see if any of them ring true:

Difficulty identifying what you’re thinking or feeling is a big one, and it is one of those things that can fly under the radar. So, I’m not only talking about scattered thoughts or the inability to give an emotion a specific name. I’m also talking about feelings of confusion or a lack of clarity that persists over time. Understanding the messages that come from your emotions requires some level of emotional literacy.. and being able to give them a name.

And that can be hard to do when we get to our next indicator, emotional dysregulation. Some of this applies to emotions that are out of control, and being excessively or unexplainably overemotional, but it also relates to emotions that have been suppressed, and feeling shut down, or discompassionate. And that can affect decision-making in so many ways, making impulsive decisions, or the inability to make decisions, and feeling frozen. We include both impulsivity and complacency here, making snap decisions or the inability to make decisions and disregarding consequences that come from both, because both do have their consequences, and that gets even more obvious if you’re prone to repeating the same destructive patterns. Especially if you can’t even see it, and whether your emotions are overly active or seemingly inactive, they do have an enormous impact on perception.

Without the ability to identify and manage emotions, judgement can be significantly skewed, and negative feelings can be internalized or externalized. And that can play out on both sides of the spectrum with both overspun emotions and repressed emotions. In both cases that can lead to confusion and even mentally rewriting the truth of certain events. And that goes back to that idea that people tend to remember events, the way that they feel them, so one person’s perception may be very different than someone else’s and possibly quite different than objective reality.

Which can lead to being unaware or unable to identify the impact of your words or actions until someone else brings it to your attention. You know, are you often surprised that other people have been hurt or offended by something that you did or said? Or surprised by someone else’s perception of you because it’s so completely out of line with the way you see yourself? And I do have to pause here and say that someone else’s perception does not get to dictate who you think you are… but that’s part of the point, a lack of self-compassion and self-esteem can be exacerbated by someone else’s pain points or overly judgmental perceptions. Those labels that other people might apply can lead to our own self-deprecation. And that’s part of the problem, you know. If you’ve got more than one person operating on a lower level of awareness… and that does happen because we’ve all got our stuff going on at the same time, and when that lower-level energy crosses over, everything can get really complicated and confusing. Sometimes our defense mechanisms come up with a sense of bravado, or anger, or what we might call egoic or even narcissistic behavior in a lack of empathy or appreciation for other people, or the inability to see things from another person’s point of view. But sometimes it’s the exact opposite. Lower levels of self-awareness can show up in a tendency toward a victim mentality or blaming other people for your problems or externalizing your own negative emotions and projecting them onto other people. And that can be a really hard one to see in yourself, but shifting blame to other people and pointing out what they’re doing wrong or blaming the circumstances and justifying your reactions does point to a lack of awareness… And we’ve talked about this a lot; we all do it, at least a little bit, with all of our really good reasons and excuses. That almost immediately takes your focus off of your responsibilities, but it also gives away all of your power for making a change for the better.

We can go back to the Perseverance Study Journal again, and any amount of difficulty in identifying your own needs and your own desires. And what you need to do for yourself. And that can lead to feeling defensive or angry when you feel like you’re being taken advantage of, especially if you feel like you’re working really hard and you are receiving what you might consider negative feedback or a differing opinion. That includes the inability to accept constructive criticism or to admit that your knowledge is limited, and that someone else might actually have a valid point or know more about something than you do.

And that’s already a pretty long list, so we’re just gonna kind of land on this one… Avoiding self-reflection… because that really is what we’re going to start talking about here next.. If you’ve been listening along from the beginning, you know that we’ve already covered most of these indications for practice in previous episodes. That’s the thing about the principle of awareness, now we’re really covering all of those bases. We’re adding onto that daily inventory that we set up in the perseverance practice challenge. And we will talk more about more specific ideas to keep raising your awareness next time, but as we start moving into some of the benefits of growing self-awareness, I really need to say that the goal for this principle is to start connecting with your inner brilliance.

Not listening to the part of you that knows who you really are is the number one indication for this practice, because that’s how you shut down the part of you that does know what’s best for you, that’s how you block it out, by ignoring it… But it is still in there waiting for you to listen. And that part of you knows that your highest good serves the highest good. And that’s not selfish or self-absorbed. And that’s actually one of the most compelling benefits of the practice.

Benefits of Practice

When you start listening, and you start making those changes, the voice that knows the truth gets louder, and the more you listen to it, the more it starts to make a difference in your life and in the world around you. Awareness is the principle of waking up, and it really can be contagious. As I’ve said it before, you don’t always wake up all at once, and you certainly don’t get to decide how long that process will take for anyone else. Sometimes it’s a slow awakening. Sometimes you’re not exactly sure about what’s true or what’s the right thing, but if you keep doing the work, you’ll find out. I really do believe that. I believe digging down into some of those uncomfortable places is the thing that most often takes you to more elevated states of awareness. It’s like the deeper you dig, the higher you go… there’s a very clear correlation between the two…

And again and again, that kind of work can take time, and it’s not always easy. But so often when you're right in the middle of that really intense, raw, unfiltered self-investigation, the floodgates open up and information comes pouring in. And some of it might be hard to admit. But if you wanna know the truth, you’ve gotta turn up the volume on the voice that tells the truth... There is a part of you that knows what’s good and beautiful and right and best for you, and everybody that you care about, and even for some of those people that you might say you don’t care about so much. And that can be even more difficult and more complicated when doing what’s right for you doesn’t line up with what somebody that you really do care about wants you to do.

But if what someone else wants for you isn’t right for you, and especially if it’s hurting you, and absolutely if you ever get that feeling that you might be in any kind of danger, or about to cause harm, don’t ignore it! Don’t shove that down. And you can’t be all wrapped up in guilt or worrying about what the other person will think when that happens. And if you are, if what someone else thinks or feels ever becomes more important than your own safety or what you know you need to do for you, that’s another reason to start working on becoming more aware and opening yourself up to see what you need to see for yourself and let other people see for themselves. We don’t necessarily have to agree. Maybe that person has something that they need to learn. You can’t do that for them. They have to decide to do that for themselves, and maybe they will!  And again, I’m not telling you to go out there and sever relationships that are important to you, but I am definitely telling you not to stay in one that feels toxic. And I’m not just talking about romantic relationships. These can be relationships with your parents or adult children or friends or maybe you’re not even talking about specific people maybe it’s a group of people or maybe it has something to do with relationships in the workplace or any other place where you interact with anyone on a regular basis.… and I will say that knowing where you need to draw the line is the best thing you can do for everyone. Sometimes growing your own authentic sense of self takes some space. It might take some time away from the influence of other people’s thinking, that might be the only way to address your own codependency or unhealthy attachment to other people’s feelings. And sometimes that’s how relationships are healed. Sometimes that’s what it takes to start again. I think sometimes that’s the only way to start again.

It's good for everyone involved for you to feel empowered and free to be yourself. It’s not even a real relationship if you can’t be yourself. And the benefits go on and on, your relationships do become more authentic and more loving and usually more peaceful, and always, best of all, that includes your relationship with yourself. Self-confidence starts growing, and your intuition starts growing as you learn to trust yourself and listen for the inner voice, which leads to more authentic self-expression because now you’re inspired to take action on what needs to be done and on what you actually want to do and what you want to create in your life, you have to offer. And that leads to fulfilling your purpose…. We’ve already talked about this, and we will talk about this much more when we get to talking about the principle of service. But as you start digging down into those areas of life that need to be explored, self-awareness grows. And that’s where you start discovering your true passion and purpose. Negative habits and destructive patterns of thought and behavior start changing because you get more connected with who you really are. And you start feeling more connected with everything. And this is where I’ve gotta go into the spiritual realm, even though maybe only second to politics, sadly, this can be a divisive topic too. Spirituality should be something that brings us all together. Unfortunately, it can be polarizing, but I’ve gotta say, if they’re polarizing, maybe you need to rethink those beliefs. Your spiritual beliefs should raise your level of connection, and hopefully, they do strengthen your connection with that part of you that is already elevated. Going back to hope and believing in something more. Going back to believing that you are something more. Going back to love and believing that everyone is something more than what you see on the outside… And if you do have religious beliefs that support that sense of connection, this really is the place for magnifying them. Praying, meditating, and all other forms of connection count, and incorporating them in a daily practice like this one keeps you connected… and it keeps you honest.

It keeps you focused on the very best parts of yourself and gives you the ability to identify and address any areas for improvement. It shows you all of the opportunities to grow that you might’ve been missing, and that’s what teaches you how to identify and amplify your strengths. So, it’s never about beating yourself up… digging down into those areas where we are less aware with pure intentions and the right kind of energy, not trying to hurt yourself, always just looking to heal, brings you to the realizations that lead to living in a higher frequency. You get to see yourself as you really are, you get to see your flaws and your gifts and your potential with new eyes. And you don’t need to see grand visions for that to be real. And that voice inside doesn’t have to be all loud and big and dramatic. But you do need to learn to recognize it and pay attention. And that is what we’re working on in the writing exercise today.

Writing Exercise

Just start writing about any time when you felt a sense of knowing, about anything, especially if it led to real proof or an opportunity or a realization that made a real difference for you. And because sometimes those come from really intense and sometimes even painful moments in life, I don’t want you to dig around in there. I don’t want you to stir that whole thing back up again, if it’s painful you don’t have to write down all the details. I just want you to acknowledge that it happens. If that feeling of knowing was really big and intense, but amazing, go ahead and write all about it, but even if it didn’t feel so great or was a small thing, affirm that you felt it. And if you can, put it into words, affirm how that information came to you. Did you hear it? Did you see it? Was it just a really strong feeling? These are what you sometimes hear people call intuitive hits, but to me, it’s really just you learning to listen to the part of you that knows stuff. You’re basically just writing about your relationship with your inner voice and how you know when it’s speaking to you. And it doesn’t have to be a big grand vision or a loud booming message. Write about anything that urges you to take action, or take better care of yourself. Write about what the voice in your head has to say about your life, your choices, and what you want and what you need to see.

And I really hope you start affirming it when it happens. At least for a while, for a week, or a month, until you’ve got a decent list to prove that it does happen.. Or maybe you keep writing it down forever. Because it’s interesting and because affirming your intuition opens the door to awareness. Instead of ignoring or shutting that part of you down, you start learning to work with it. I highly encourage making this a part of your daily inventory. When you start paying attention to all those little nudges, the gentle ones and the nagging ones that keep coming back around in your head, and everything that you used to call coincidence, the energy of synchronicity leveled up to meet you… Affirm the stuff that seems to come from out of nowhere, include anything you suddenly remember, and anything that you hear, see, or experience that brings that feeling of knowing to your attention. And best of all, most of all, definitely affirm anything that speaks to your passion, your strengths, your own inner brilliance, and your unique perspective. That’s the part that most often leads to identifying previously unidentified interests and gifts you might not have even known you have…. This is an exercise in growing self-awareness…

If you’ve got a little notebook that you can carry around with you, that’s great, but pretty much everybody has a phone available most of the time, so I don’t know, this can be something that you write in your journal when you’re at home, and then maybe open up a note on your phone when you’re not. Again, you don’t have to write down all the details. But you do want to affirm that it happens. And if you say that it never happens to you, practice looking for it with a question that sends the invitation, loud and clear.

CHALLENGE QUESTION

The question for Awareness is, “What do I need to see?” And you’re sending that question out with very clear intentions for the highest good, for yourself and for everyone, without forcing or faking anything. You’re just opening the door for any information that’s out there waiting for you to invite it into your experience. And it’s hard for me to give you my answer for this question. Because it’s always changing, every day there’s something new to learn about yourself, and when you start looking for them, those little synchronicities start showing up. Sometimes when you least expect them, maybe as big things, but more often they’re really small things that add up over time. The real point for this question is just to keep opening that door and sending out the invitation.

Next time, we’ll talk more about how to intentionally connect with some of those hidden parts of yourself and how to use visualization as a tool for leveling up. Something Honest is a Wellness Meetings production with original music composed and produced by James Mrotek at Mrotek Media.

This is Marta Mrotek, still sending out all the love and working on being well.