Talking truth about "self-improvement" as it relates to health, overall wellness and expressing the truest version of you. This is Marta Mrotek with Something Honest…..

Have you ever had something that you really needed to do, or thought you should do, or knew was good for you, or even wanted to do.. but you just couldn’t get yourself to go do it? I get that. There are so many reasons, maybe even good reasons, that we use for why we can’t or least for why it’s hard. But when it comes to making something new, or making something right, or making something better we have to start looking at everything that makes it challenging as something that makes us stronger. Discipline says you can do this, even if it’s hard.

Today we’re stepping into action with Discipline. First, we’ll take a broad look at how you can use this principle to start taking action in every area of your life and some of the benefits and indications that remind you when you really need to apply it. And then we’ll come back after the break with a writing exercise that helps with the process of making amends that relate not just to all those people on the list that you made in the Love Study Journal but really that apply to every area of your experience.

I think it’s helpful to start by talking just a little bit about what it really means to make amends and how that can be applied in so many different ways. The most common definition is to make compensation for loss or injury. but it does also reference not just making things right but making things better and making general improvements or modifications that lead to better outcomes. To me this is something that we can use as motivation for almost everything that needs to change. We can definitely use this to clean up wreckage from the past and improve our relationships but we can also use it to start making amendments to our lifestyle choices and for making modifications and improvements in our physical bodies, in our mental habits, emotional states and anything that might need to be changed in any situation or environment. The disciplined use of energy, no matter how it’s applied, takes both discernment and patience. Discipline reminds us to take a breath and consider our options, it reminds us that it probably won’t all happen all at once and maybe most importantly it says very clearly that not much of anything will happen without the decision to take action and the determination to put in some hard work. And I really do love that word determination here… It includes both the need for clarity as we determine, as we figure out, as we recognize and make a choice, a decision, for the next right thing AND the determination, or resolve, or firmness of purpose to commit ourselves to taking action on that decision.

I could make a really broad statement and say that this is something all of us should be doing all the time but there are some really clear pointers to when this principle needs to be actively applied. And there are a few really common indications for what we’re calling the determination practice.

Indications for Practice

And the biggest one here, for most people is complacency. And breaking out of complacency has so much to do with taking an honest look at what you might consider really good reasons for why you can’t quite get yourself to do whatever it is that you really should do or at least on some level want to do. The work here is to stop using them as excuses, no matter how valid they might seem.. And what usually keeps us from being able to find a way around those excuses, even if they’re challenging, is that we’ve created some patterns that are hard to break. In yogic philosophy you’ll read about something called samskara, which translates as something like complete action. But it’s usually presented as something more like a scar, or a rut, or an impression that has been left in our minds that creates a cycle that leads to some kind of habit. And while that is often explained as something negative that relates to our unhealthy habits it really is a neutral term that can be used to our advantage when we finally decide to commit ourselves to right action. Generally speaking, any lack of motivation or hesitancy to initiate change, has very little to do with desire. It doesn’t mean we don’t want something new or better, most of us do. It has much more to do with a pattern of underactivity that’s hard to break. There’s not enough energy behind it so we just keep doing what we’ve been doing, even if that’s not something that we really want.

And what’s especially interesting about his principle in particular is that it has a lot to do with exact opposites and eventually finding balance. The next indication here is impulsivity. And in many ways that is the exact opposite of complacency, but it is still a pattern, it’s just a pattern of overactivity. There’s too much energy behind this one. It’s when our thoughts and the actions that usually follow are unrestrained. And I guess restrained is another one of those words that can get a bad rap, but restraint is simply self-control. Controlling your thoughts, I know that’s always been a big one for me.. Being able to recognize unhealthy thoughts and how they lead to all sorts of unhealthy behavior is huge. What are you thinking about? How does it make you feel? What’s the emotional response to that train of thought? And is it something that’s useful for self-study, or is it just self-indulgent or self-torture? That leads to acknowledging the power of the spoken word… Really thinking about what comes out of your mouth, and the effect that they might have, and measuring the value of your words before you say them. Especially in conversations and interactions that might affect other people, and believe me you don’t always know the impact of your words. We can very easily, unknowingly, help or harm with the words we say. Do you mean what you’re saying? Are you saying what you mean? Is it useful? Is it helpful? Is it all about you? Are you the only one doing the talking? Are you taking the time to really listen and respond in a meaningful way? Once you find the answers to those questions about thought and speech you are almost automatically led to a better understanding of right action. Considering the importance of your own physical presence and the choices that you’ll make in regard to how you’ll use your energy. That’s something that’s usually pretty easy for us to see. How are you expressing yourself physically..? What do you do with the time that you have? What kind of impact does it have on your life and the world around you?

And that all really boils down to the indicators that relate to your overall energy levels. If the quality of your energy, I think you understand what I mean by that now, is unbalanced you probably do know if it’s over or under active. Look at yourself. In general, is my pattern, my trend, my rut, my thought process, my decision-making process, my activity level reflecting a disciplined use of my energy? You can tell. Looking at yourself from that third-party perspective. Is my process too hasty? Is it too much? Is it rushed? Does it feel all spun out and all over the place?... Or is it the opposite? Is it stagnant? Does it feel sluggish or somehow lethargic? Either way, if it’s not stable, if it’s not solid, if it’s not balanced you probably aren’t making much progress. It’s that steady, metered, disciplined use of energy that gets you where you want to go.

And that doesn’t mean you’re a robot, you’re not trying to control everything.. and you’re not shutting anything down. I’ve talked about that already. I’ve done that, and that’s not great, that’s not what we’re talking about here. That would be swinging in the opposite direction too far. And without making any big sweeping statement or judgement in regard to gender, I will say that men in particular can be prone to that side of the practice. That kind of militant, hard viewpoint, whether you’re a man or a woman, can be counterproductive. If it’s always that harsh, unfeeling, unrelenting energy that’s at work we start covering ourselves up again and that starts to feel like punishment at some point. It’s something that we can abuse to judge not just other people but to judge ourselves too harshly. Don’t forget we just did a whole lot of work with compassion. We don’t want to lose that softer side of ourselves. We’re looking for authenticity here. It’s good, it’s healthy, it’s endearing and important for all of your relationships, including the one that you have with you, to include room for being human. We’re looking for balance right? Now you know what I really mean when I say that. You want to make room for feelings that come up, you’ve still got them, and you know that everybody does.. And you’ve still got thoughts to think about them and spontaneous experiences that present themselves. And those are all just part of being alive. Some of them might be painful but honestly some of them are just really sweet moments that come from being able to go with the flow and accept and appreciate whatever comes your way and great practice for letting some things just be the way they are… And there are still moments, and days, when you’ll probably struggle to notice where you’re out of alignment… but now you’ve got some tools to help you recognize it. Something to help catch yourself, to study yourself and train yourself to create some new patterns and habits that help you get into that healthy flow of energy when you fall to far out of balance in either direction.

Benefits of Practice

And that’s the primary benefit that comes from working on self-discipline. More important really than any other, finding your balance. Finding a sense of balance and a really clear picture of not just what you want, but who you are and what it takes to get there and BE that really true, really authentic higher version of you. That’s going to take some motivation and that’s the next benefit here, as you start working with this principle and applying it, you’ll start to see results. Whether those are results that you’re seeing come from effort in relationship to your physical health and physical environment or more subtle results in the realm of emotion or thought, if you apply yourself with intention there will be a noticeable energetic shift. And those results, even if they seem small at first, drive your commitment and your enthusiasm for taking action and creating even more. And it you’ve found the right balance here, your ability to discern your best course of action is dramatically improved. Which takes me to the last official benefit for discipline and the name of the practice for this one, determination. And that absolutely does mean that you’ll have the focused energy that you’ll need to move toward your goals. You will almost certainly find that you are more determined, you’re more committed and more dedicated to getting what you want but you’ll also find it much easier to see the path and the next steps that you’re going to need to take. Much, much easier to determine, to ascertain, to figure out what’s really important to you. What’s really worth your time and energy?

And that takes some practice for most people. It takes not just desire but also that decision and that commitment that you’re making to yourself... Knowing what you want and knowing what needs to be done and doing it the right kind of energy, the right amount of energy and the right attitude. And that will take effort. That’s not going to happen all by itself. So, the big question today is how much do want this new thing? And what are you willing to do make it happen? These are questions that you can ask to initiate change in any area of your life. But in my view, once you’re physically grounded, and mentally clear, and physically and mentally healthy enough you’ll want to clear some space for all that great new stuff you like to make. You know it’s kind of time to pay the piper. You want to take care of any outstanding debts, and that might relate to financial aspects of your life, there may very well be physical amends involved. But I really mean that more as an analogy for any area of life where you need to make improvements and clean things up to feel really good about who you are and where you’re going. And if you want that, if you want to start with a clean slate, the first, and the most valuable expenditure of your energy at this point, for most of us, is to go back to that list that we made in the Love Study Journal and take the action required to set things right.

That’s where we’re headed after the break. You’ll want to make sure you’ve got your journal for this and we’ll be back with a writing exercise for discipline, determination and taking action.

We’re back and working on a writing exercise for applying self-discipline as it relates to the disciplined use of energy, making amends and the determination needed for taking meaningful action.

Writing Exercise

And much of the work that we do to make amends, with setting things right, making modifications and improvements in every area of life, has to do with going back to Humility and Love and working with a new sense of self-awareness and compassion. This is something that you apply to yourself and everyone around you. Even though this exercise relates in many ways to making amends to the people on our lists that we’ve harmed in some way, you can also use it to create a method for initiating positive change and improving just about anything. And one of the things that really helped me see that process, that last, tiny bit of planning before you take action, no matter where we’re applying it, in a new, entirely positive light was thinking about what proper amends should include. And I just want to break that down real quickly here, so you can see how that looks, not just when making an official apology to someone else or making things right with another person, but also when you’re working on making things right with you.

Now when we were working on the Love Journal entries we did talk about the different kinds of amends and reminding yourself that there may be circumstances where approaching that person might be inappropriate, or harmful, or even impossible. But even if this is something that you’re doing in your head. Even if this is something that turns into some kind of living amends or something that you never do in person, the process is still really valuable. There are really three parts to this and the first is an admission of what we’ve done and the harm it caused. And whether you’re talking to someone else or just talking to yourself that’s pretty simple. It says:

“This is what I did and what I did was wrong.” Sometimes that’s really obvious while you’re considering the people on your list. And it is important to note here that one of the first things you should do if this is something that should be addressed right now and you really don’t believe it will cause any harm, is to ask permission. That is part of this. You want that other person’s consent. And even if you’re working on something that you did to you… you want to make sure that you’ve given your conscious consent. You’re dragging yourself into any of this and that you really are willing and ready. And as far as the actual harm that was caused…? You already know what that is.. You already know what you did and the trick here is to say it without trying to let yourself off the hook by overexplaining or excusing your actions. And it certainly doesn’t have anything to do with what you might consider any other person’s part in this whole thing. That’s not what this is for… Think about it. So often our apologies, and even the admissions that we make to ourselves, are padded with the all of the reasons why we did what we did.. and again, you know, reasons are usually just really good excuses, and that’s not what we’re looking for here. This might even be more important to note when you’re working on something that you’ve done to harm yourself. “This is what I did, and it was wrong, it caused me harm and I’ve got no excuses for that.”

Once you’ve got that part down comes the apology. And very often these are words that you say out loud:

“I sincerely regret what I did and the way that it affected you.” That’s the shortest sweetest version of that, but the big thing here is that part about being sincere. This isn’t just going through the motions. It really is your sincerity, that true feeling of regret that makes this meaningful. And yeah, again this applies when you’re talking to you about you too.

So, the third part, the last part, is the amendment of the harm done:

“What can I do to make it right?” And when you’re working with other people you don’t really know how they’ll respond to this one. There can’t really be an expectation here. You might have some ideas about what you could do to make it right. They might be able to tell you exactly what you can do to make it right. And if it’s anywhere within the realm of reason you should do everything you can to make that happen. On the other hand, they might say there’s nothing that needs to be done and it’s all good. And if that apology was all they needed this is often a real chance for some healing to happen. But it doesn’t always turn out that way you know, sometimes that’s not what happens. I mean, they might say that there’s nothing that can be done and maybe even outright reject your apology. And that one sucks on some level, but you do need to know that it can happen and that it is actually okay if that’s the way it goes down. Your job is to do what you can. Your job is to make a real effort here to make things right and no matter how it’s received, even if the other person does not respond the way you had hoped, you still set yourself free of that burden. And if this is you, talking to you, about making things right with you? You’ve got an opportunity here to use everything you’ve learned to make something really good. What would make it right? And at least in my experience, whether you caused actual harm to your own physical body, or let your finances fall into ruins, or even just engaged in a bunch of destructive mental self-talk there is something that you can do to fix it.

So, your task today is to sit down and look at that list that made you made last time. Look for those categories and that people on those lists. Look first at the amends to make right now and applying everything that we just talked about. Write it down, maybe write down what you’d like to say. Even write down ideas that you might have for making things right, knowing that those might not be what the other person asks for, but at least to have something meaningful to contribute if they’d like to know what you think about it. And then start taking action on that list. Get a hold of that person and ask for their permission to speak with them.. and if they say yes then go do it. Get to every single one. Go back to all four of those lists. If you find something that might cause harm. Do a little bit of soul searching to find something that clears away the guilt that you might be carrying. There are all kinds of service commitments and random acts of kindness that can fall into the realm of living amends category. If there are amends that need to be made later. Sit down and write down what you’d like to say and at least get an idea of what later might mean. And if you get down to that last list and there really is nothing that can ever be done…? If that person is gone, or unreachable, I highly recommend that you sit down and write to that person. Write out everything that you’d like to say. Write out the admission and the apology and what you wish you could do to make it right… and then maybe when you’re done go back to that little outdoor fire transformation ritual that we did together and see if you can just let it go.

And finally, when it comes to you making amends with you…? Write that down too. Write it all out. And when you’re done don’t forget to forgive yourself. Don’t forget to write out how you’re going to start making it right.. and then go do it.

So let’s wrap things up with this week’s challenge question.

CHALLENGE QUESTION

The question for Discipline is, “What can I do right now to move toward something entirely good?” And I would imagine that you’ve got some clear ideas for that now. I really do think that if you take the time to go through the journaling exercise today you’ll have plenty to work on and that you can prioritize them pretty easily. You probably already know where to start.

And I know for me, and the biggest part of my answer to this question is to make sure I’m in a healthy physical and mental space. If you’re not there yet, that really should come first. Sometimes I have to go back and make sure I’m grounded and connected and really lined up with that higher version of myself to get clear about what comes next. So sometimes that’s the answer to this… What can I do right now? Go do that work right now. And if I make that something that I’m working on all the time my list of things to do gets more and more clear. And as I take action that list gets shorter. And in time I really am just working, most of the time, on the disciplined use of energy. Study myself. Get clear. What’s right? What’s next? Do that. Taking action every day to get to where you want to go and be who you want to be.

Make sure you’re all set up to get notifications, next up, you’ll want to check out the Discipline Practice Challenge where we’ll create a ritual for direction and determination as you start cleaning things up and making more of what you want.

Thanks so much for listening! Check out the links in the description to find show notes on the Something Honest Podcast Page and go to wellnessmeetings.com for more about the Wellness Meetings Method….. Something Honest is a Wellness Meetings production with original music composed and produced by James Mrotek at Mrotek Media.

This is Marta Mrotek sending out all the love and gratitude. Until next time, let’s get to work on being well.