Talking truth about "self-improvement" as it relates to health, overall wellness and expressing the truest version of you. This is Marta Mrotek with Something Honest…..

Despair is a tricky thing. It has a way of covering up anything that might help you find your way out of it. But sometimes, when you’re really desperate, something that can help finds you. For me it happened entirely by accident, I was waiting for a takeout order, walking by the open door of a yoga studio I’d never noticed before. I was actively grieving the loss of my brother, I had two kids in active addiction and a father who was very passively wasting away with an unknown cancer. I just went out looking for Chinese food and a place to hide and cry for minute, and somehow, I found sanctuary…

 Today we’re talking about Hope! If you just started listening to this podcast you might want to go back and listen to the Truth Episodes to get ready for what we’re about to do here. From that strong anchor point in the present moment we can use the Principle of Hope to start reaching for a Source of positive energy and figure out where some of the more subtle energetic connections may have been broken.

It’s worth mentioning that I have had people tell me they’ve never really felt connected with an Energetic Source but I want you to know that somewhere down deep inside I believe you have been. I think there is a light, or at least a spark of positive Energy that is always available and something that can help you feel it more if you’re willing to look for it.

And while you certainly don’t have to be in the depths of despair to find help in what we offer here. I will tell you, from personal experience that if do you feel like you’re totally in the dark and looking for something that can help you find your way out this is a good place to start. If however you’re in the middle of something that requires medical attention or professional treatment, don’t wait to go get it. Do it right now, maybe this is just where you needed to be to hear someone say it clearly. Look for something that applies directly to what you need and don’t wait to do it! I know my motivation to dig my way out of my head would ebb and flow with no real warning at that especially difficult time in my own life. I feel so fortunate that I happened to be looking for something in just the right place on that particular night…  and so lucky to have had opportunities to share it.

So here is a little bit of what I know about turning on the light.

Talking Point # 1 for the Principle of Hope.

 TALKING POINT 1: IDENTIFYING DISCONNECT

We can move through this first one pretty quickly because the Talking Points for Truth gave an introduction to some of the tools that you can use to work on areas of life where you might feel disconnected or desperate and get grounded enough to notice areas for change. Maybe you’ve already acknowledged something that stands out as an area of disconnect in your current circumstances.

Last time I used something relatively small as a personal example, just to explore the idea that some of what might be coming up could be pointing to something bigger that needs to change and that you don’t have to be working on some great big emotional event for these Principles to be effective. But my own example for Hope comes from some of the most emotionally charged events in my adult life. I know there are some of you out there who have been through much worse… Probably some things that I can’t even imagine... But I have worked with people who have suffered in ways that are far beyond what I have experienced and somehow the examples still hold value and the method still holds true. One of the first things that can help when we start working with this principle is simply knowing that you’re not alone. The stories about how we fall into varying levels of disconnect or despair can be so different, but we can all use the same tools to start finding our way out.

Having cleared away some of the mental debris and set a cornerstone in the Truth of what’s happening right now we’re ready to add Hope for whatever comes next to that strong foundation. If you have identified any feelings of hopelessness I would imagine that most of your attention has been going to whatever feels broken and very little, if any, to plugging into this moment and affirming or fully appreciating any of the things that are working. And without any of what we’re just going to call the “good” stuff, the “bad” stuff, or at least what we’re calling bad stuff for right now, starts feeling even worse than it did to begin with and if we stay unplugged for too long, without identifying the areas of disconnect, a vicious cycle of unhealthy behavior, destructive thought patterns and even more painful emotions will almost certainly follow. If any of what I just said sounds confusing all three of the Truth episodes were made to explain that part of the process in much more detail.

Which brings us already, to talking point number two.

 TALKING POINT 2: EMOTIONAL CONNECTIONS

Like I said, despair has a tricky way of drawing you in and eclipsing whatever is left of the good stuff in your life and that makes it easy to fall into unhealthy habits. I know that was the case for me. But we do already have some built in tools that remind us when we fall too far out of alignment with how we were meant to live.

In the Truth Talking Points we explored the idea of using your emotions for guidance, and how we might be able to learn something from the emotions that we would usually label negative or painful. Of course, there are varying degrees of pain, so some of the reasons for those more subtle variations like discomfort or irritation might be harder to pinpoint. But the big ones, the really obvious ones are there for very obvious reasons. We can use them to do some trouble shooting and kind of connect the dots that point to where we might be able to start making a change for the better…

One of the emotions that stood out most for me during that particularly difficult time was this overwhelming feeling that I was under assault. If I had to try and label it, helpless and hopeless would be the first emotions that come to mind. There definitely was a threat there of something that felt like impending doom…  And some semblance of safety in our everyday lives is one of our most basic needs as human beings. When you find yourself in the middle of extremely painful or challenging times, especially when it feels like there’s an emergency around every corner, it can feel almost impossible to start turning things around. So, where do you even start when you feel like you’re actively under fire?

The answer goes back to the idea of being able to look at your pain from a different point of view. One of my most influential teachers, Cheryl Oliver, appeared in my life not long after her husband died, both of them incredible yoga instructors, and even though I learned so much from her there is one quote that rings in my head almost daily that comes from her husband Dave, and I share it every chance I get, he said, “Pain is not good. Pain is not bad. Pain isn’t anything. It’s just information. Pain is information that you need to change something.” –

That’s from David Oliver and whether we’re talking a physical challenge or challenging emotions the message is the same. What if you could make a shift that would help you see painful emotions in a different way? What if you could look at it without having to label it as good or bad? What if you could see it as simple information? And what could you learn from it? It’s not that you’ll never feel any of those feelings again, but could you look at them with more objective eyes? At least for long enough to find out what that pain might be trying to tell you about what needs to change and where the healthy connections might have been broken.

We actually have a an energy chart that you can download for free on our website as part of our practice planner that can help for pinpointing specific emotions and what you might need to work on but you don’t need to have that to start doing the work. We’ll get into details for how to do that in the Hope Study Journal Episode. But, the shortest version ever, if you don’t know exactly where to start or what do want to create all you have to do is look at what you don’t want and start making connections that affirm the opposite. It sounds so simple, a practical way to notice where you’re not plugged in and get clear about what needs changing.

For most of us at least one change or connection that probably needs attention relates to physical health.

TALKING POINT 3: PHYSICAL CONNECTIONS

One of the easiest physical connections that we can make relates to grounding practice. It really is one of those kind of all-purpose methods that doesn’t take much physical effort but it does take some focus... If you’ve been following along, the work we did on getting grounding in Truth sets us up to start growing healthy physical connections.

We’re gonna use part of my story as an example for that. Again, just because it was an emotionally charged time in my life and it gives a little background on how the work that I’ve had to do might apply to you on some level. Even though I had already been certified in guided mediation and practicing yoga for many years on and off, it had been mostly off since my brother died. Yoga and meditation were mostly off. Honestly anything spiritual or healthy was mostly off and every unhealthy thing was mostly on and taking a physical toll on my already emotionally depleted energy every single day. And at least on some level that was a decision that I was making. That feeling of hopelessness was taking over, and while it might seem that I had some really good reasons for what I was I feeling, it’s important to note that I had been letting myself drown in it. I wasn’t grounded at all, I was lost in my head, almost totally unaware of anything that I could identify as positive. I most certainly did not feel like I was learning anything from any of what was happening… and I know that at least some part of why I was feeling so awful had to do with completely ignoring my own physical health. I was a person who had already been teaching and talking about wellness for a while and in the matter of just a few months I had embraced nearly every unhealthy habit that I’d ever had. So now, on top of that other really heavy mental and emotional stuff I had some physical connections that needed to be repaired.

Once you’ve managed to get grounded enough to find some broken contact points how do you initiate that process of physical repair? Looking at maybe even just one of those seemingly negative emotions, but without labeling it as good or bad, see if you can get an idea of even just one small thing that you could do to make a change. Sometimes that’s a change that needs to be made in your physical environment, maybe it’s something really big that needs to change there, I don’t know that picking up and moving is always the right answer but sometimes it might be… Sometimes there are really simple things, maybe unimportant in the big picture like just purging all the clutter, you know throwing all that extra useless stuff away, clearing things out like that can make a difference. I know that might sound far too simplistic but for some people it’s an easy place to start. If that’s not you or if your physical environment isn’t contributing to any of the chaos, you might look at some of the unhealthy behaviors that we, for whatever reason, turn to in stressful times. Unhealthy habits that relate to what we put into our bodies, like food and drink, chemicals of all kinds would also fall into that category. But if that feels too difficult at first one of the easiest things that we can do comes down to regular physical exercise. That doesn’t mean you have to go out and join a gym or a yoga studio or start climbing mountains, if that’s not your thing, make it something really simple to start. I know that all sounds like such basic advice but sometimes if you can just get up and start moving, the energy in the physical body puts the wheels of change into motion all by itself.

Those might seem like small things, maybe even totally unrelated to what you’ve been going through, and maybe they are at first, but if you can use some of those painful moments as reminders to start filling some of the holes in your physical connection, even just a slight shift, interrupting the pattern of pain, for even short amounts of time, and do that on a regular basis, there will be a corresponding shift in energy. And no matter how small, that shift can point you in the right direction. 

We’re gonna take a quick break here, I’ll be back in two minutes or less with how to start doing that kind of work and our challenge for this week in just a moment.

We’re back with Talking Point #4 and a little bit about how to start repairing any unhealthy mental connections that have come to the surface of your attention.

 TALKING POINT 4: MENTAL CONNECTIONS

For most people this part is far more difficult than working on the physical body and it might even feel like it’s your mind that’s keeping you from making some of those physical changes that could help. It’s good to know that this is an ongoing process and that you can work on repairing both of those connections at the same time. There is actually a physical component to how our minds work that has to do with the way we’re wired and the way we make connections in the brain. While many of those connections are happening without our conscious consent and contributing to what we’ve been calling unhealthy thought patterns, we can go in there and do some very intentional rewiring if we are willing to do the mental work. Thanks to something called neuroplasticity we can physically change the way we think. There’s a popular saying that neurons that fire together wire together, or in other words there are pathways in the brain that are created and reinforced when we repeat certain patterns and while that can cause trouble when it’s happening unconsciously with unhealthy thoughts we can take advantage of it and create something new and healthy and positive if we are willing to apply some simple methods for regular practice. We’ll work on that in more detail when we get to the Hope Challenge but for now it’s good to know that we can in fact start physically repairing unhealthy connections and access positive thoughts, even in the middle of challenging circumstances.

And if ALLLL of that sounds like too much work there is one connection that can be made at any time, one that is always immediately available behind the scenes and all around in every moment, waiting for your attention with just never-ending patience…

 TALKING POINT 5: SPIRITUAL CONNECTIONS

This is where I try to talk about what I believe and what I call God, without offending or alienating anyone from any belief or tradition, knowing full well that you may use very different words to name your Energetic Source. I think Higher Power is a nice naming convention that lets people work with whatever religious or spiritual beliefs they already hold. I don’t think that there is any way that we could ever demean or misrepresent any specific deity by implying that really might only be one God, and that we all might just be talking about the same thing. We are probably talking about a Higher Power of some kind when we talk about Energy with a capital “E” and even though we might call that Energy by different names I don’t think we could ever restrict anything so grand and powerful with a quarrel over something so relatively small as a naming convention. I do however have great respect for personal beliefs and for those who are having a hard time believing in anything spiritual at all. But for this to work you’ll have to at least play along with the idea that there is something way down deep inside that points to something more than you think you are by yourself… Some part of you that can connect with something bigger, no matter what you choose to call it. Maybe at first it’s as simple as a scientific belief in positive energy, we know for sure that energy is real. Or maybe some universal energetic source or the energy of community and others who have found their way through something similar to what you’ve experienced.

What we often call an Energetic Source is very closely related to what 12 Step Programs call the God of your understanding or a Higher Power, and the process of what we call connecting is very similar to what they call, coming to believe. I like that. I think it’s important to know that you don’t necessarily have to define God, and I think that it’s probably impossible to do that anyway. I think one of the things that people struggle with most when it comes to making a connection with a Higher Power of some kind relates to formlessness. It can be so hard to believe in something that you can’t see.. Even though I personally believe that God is moving in and through everything, that kind of Energy is most often felt and experienced on levels that relate to the condition of our own hearts. It’s all around and working with or without our awareness but it’s our personal connection that makes all the difference, that’s what makes it real. Maybe we stop spending so much time trying to understand that Energy and a whole lot more time just trying to feel it.

Back to my personal example, I really do get it if this feels hard to do, I had been pissed off at what I call God for a long time and way past tired of trying to make a connection with Him, so at some point I stopped trying. I was raised in a religious household with a dad who was a Lutheran minister and a strict theology around all things spiritual. And there was a time when the only spiritual thing that I really knew how to do was pray, but every answer to every prayer felt like no,  and even worse sometimes it felt just like nothing. I mean looking back, what I was doing was probably more like complaining, or affirming everything that was wrong than it was praying, but the point is that at that time I didn’t feel like anything was working and even though I had still had some good people around me most of the time I felt alone.

Everything felt mostly useless and I felt mostly abandoned until I walked into that empty lobby and saw a sign that read, “Silence Please.. This is Sanctuary.” I don’t know exactly what it was about those specific words that got to me. Maybe it was because everything in my life and head had been so loud and it was the silence that did it. Or maybe it was just that word sanctuary. Maybe I just needed a tangible reminder of a safe place somewhere in the world outside my head, but I did have a very a sudden realization, that I was the one who severed the connection with everything that could possibly help. I had ripped out the power chord to the light that could help me find my way and decided to stand in the dark screaming that the light didn’t work anymore.  But looking at that sign and thinking about that word sanctuary.  It was like somebody threw me a life jacket.. connected to a long, strong tether, an almost immediate grounding chord, and suddenly I knew exactly what needed to change.. and it was me. That Energetic Source was right there, it had been there all along, I just needed to pay attention to it and reconnect.

Which bring us to our final talking point..

TALKING POINT 6: REACHING FOR SOMETHING MORE

I’m not going to pretend that everything got better all at once because it didn’t. My kids did eventually get clean, that’s something I am grateful for every single day, and my Dad eventually did eventually die, and as you can imagine there were so many emotions and a whole lot of crazy things that happened in between. But in the middle of all that craziness I did start doing yoga again, I still don’t know how I did it, but I even managed to get another teaching certification. I started going to 12 step meetings and I started to notice the many similarities between these two tried and true traditions. And somewhere in there, right there in the middle of that wild stormy time in life, I started to feel connected again, reaching for something more, and growing something new and that made all the difference.

Some of those things, like yoga and praying, were very familiar to me but some of them like going to meetings and eventually talking about my story in front of big groups of people who were complete strangers were absolutely new and way outside anything that I would have thought I needed to be doing. But once I started looking for help and reinforced some of those connections the ideas started coming to me without much effort. It didn’t make everything better, it just made me better than I had been, I felt a little better than I had before. And I realized that I didn’t have to feel awful forever and that was enough to get me through.

Change is always coming. And there are some things that we can do to get ready for it. That’s the work that we’re doing here, trying to figure out what we can do right now to start making a change for the better. And I bet if you’re really honest with yourself you already have some ideas about what that might be for you… What’s something that helps you’re feeling hopeless? What’s something that you’ve done in the past that helped you make a change? Maybe there’s a specific practice? Or group of people? Something that you need to stop or start doing that you know would make a difference? Or maybe something totally new that you’ve never tried before that keeps kind of whispering in your ear? You could use every single one of those questions as a journal prompt. Think about it, write about it… And if the answer to every single one of those questions is, “I’ve got nothin..” Then stay tuned, we’ll be working on this more in the next few episodes. But for right now experiment with me as best you can and see if you can come up with just one thing that might help if you were open to it… and remember that you are not alone.

So let’s take one more look at the talking points:

·      Use what you learned from grounding practice to identify areas of disconnect.

·      Use your emotions, especially the painful ones, to identify areas for change.

·      Take an honest look at your physical environment and physical health.

·      Take advantage of the way your brain already works to start making new mental connections.

·      Identify an Energetic Source and instead of trying to define it, start exploring ways to connect and feel it.

·      And then use any and all of those connections to start reaching for something more… you don’t have to wait for that, that’s something that you can start doing right now.

Hope is all about making those healthy connections.. and we really are here to connect with you.. Again, we will put all of this together in great detail as we move through the journaling and challenge episodes for Hope. Right now it’s time for this week’s challenge question and some reminders on how to play!

CHALLENGE QUESTION

So, “What helps most when you feel hopeless?” And while you can answer that question any way you like, just know that it’s okay to briefly investigate the seemingly negative things that might make that feeling worse, sometimes that what it takes to stop doing them! Then you want to work on reframing that question and ask, “What makes you feel hopeful?” Just make sure to include some time considering what leads to feeling more hopeful, ideas for what might help as you work through the process. What are some of the big and small things that can make a difference? Which one of those connections that we talked about today seems the easiest for you to make? And why?..... If you have something that works for you we want to know about it!! Maybe there’s someone out there who needs to hear from you!

So if you’d like to play along you can respond with your answer on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter or YouTube. We’d love to see your posts about this Principle so don’t forget to include the tags, #somethinghonest and #hopechallenge. All you have to do to qualify for this season’s drawing is to follow or subscribe and leave a comment on one of our posts with our hashtag to help us find you. You’ll get one entry for each platform so that’s four chances to win right there! Stay tuned at the end of each episode for more ways to play and qualify to win our brand new intention setting card deck and the Principle Intentions guidebook. If you’d like more information on how to play check the links in the description or go to our podcast page at somethinghonest.com.

Make sure you’re all set up to get notifications, next up, you’ll want to check out the Hope Study Journal Episode, where I’ll talk about some of the benefits that go along with connection practice and some detailed instructions to prepare for the Hope Challenge. Don’t forget to check out all THREE Hope Episodes to start making the connections that lead to everything good.

So many thanks to all of you for listening. We do gratefully accept donations of any size to support the ongoing mission but we want you to know that you’re already supporting us and so appreciated when you subscribe and share anything that links back to this show on any platform. Check the description to find show notes on somethinghonest.com and go to wellnessmeetings.com for more about the Wellness Meetings Method….. Something Honest is a Wellness Meetings production with original music composed and produced by James Mrotek at Mrotek Media.

This is Marta Mrotek sending out all the love and gratitude. Until next time, let’s get to work on being well.