Episode 28: Perseverance Talking Points

Talking truth about "self-improvement" as it relates to health, overall wellness, and expressing the truest version of you. This is Marta Mrotek with Something Honest…..

Believe it or not, after all this time, we’re picking back up right where we left off at the end of the last episode. And the irony is not lost on me that we were talking about Perseverance and right in the middle of me giving the big speech about not giving up and not giving in, when I disappeared.

Today we are FINALLY going to start working on the study journal for Perseverance. We’ll talk about some of the indications that emphasize the need for an ongoing personal practice focused on creating new habits that make a meaningful change.  And then we’ll take a look at some of the benefits of regular practice and a writing exercise to start prioritizing self-care and staying on track when life gets overwhelming and you feel like it’s hard to stay focused.

And I need to tell you that I know what that feels like. I really do. I know that it can be incredibly hard to stay focused on anything when it feels like everything is falling apart. It actually applies very specifically to what’s been happening here and why it has taken me so long to come back to this podcast. Most people who have something worth sharing, especially in this realm of self-improvement and health and wellness, have faced some struggles. And for so long, all forms of media and marketing have rewarded success story content. Like I got this body or this money or this life because I did this, and so can you… but very often, there’s no real transparency about the real struggle and the mess behind the scenes. It’s like the struggle only holds value if it’s shocking, or spewing out and capitalizing on all the details of someone’s personal life, but very rarely do people address the ongoing struggles that teachers and influencers and coaches and all kinds of other people who are out there marketing themselves face to keep creating content when their personal lives need their attention. And there is very little grace for that. The algorithm turns against you, and you’re gone. But I think we might be ready for that to change. I think maybe in a world where everyone’s got something to sell and AI is everywhere and everyone is applying some strategy to gain followers or put money in their pockets, I think people are wanting to see something real. And I hope you never think I’m out here preaching about something that I haven’t experienced, but I also want you to know that personal lives are personal for a reason. Everybody doesn’t have the right to every detail of your story. And that applies to you, and me. I’ve been working my way through my own storms since I was a small child and I do talk about that, but my life got incredibly challenging and messy in so many different ways and for so many reasons over the few years. All very personal, some that were rooted in pain that I had been holding onto for a very long time, and resentments that I had let grow in the background for way too long. Some of that had to do with other people and their behavior and their choices, but the biggest part of it had everything to do with me and my own choices. And it was very difficult for me to make a conscious decision to prioritize my personal life when I knew there were so many of you out there listening. But I just couldn’t keep doing it. I didn’t have the right energy for it, and I didn’t have any space for it, and the details were way too personal for me to comfortably share. And I agonized over that. I sat down so many times trying to find the words to explain why, and for so many reasons, it just didn’t feel right to share it…

I try to be really honest with you about the FACT that I am just another flawed human being working, partially to make a living, that’s true. I do have things that I want to sell because you know a girls gotta eat…. And I totally believe in all of it, so a lot of what I do is free because there’s also a lot of passion behind it. And some of that passion is driven by the fact that I’m still working my way through my own pain and doing my own processing. And I really hope that doesn’t put you off or shake your confidence in the teaching… because the teaching is sound. I spent most of my adult life working on it, and I’ve got all kinds of certifications and stuff to prove it. But I’m just a person. Not SO very different from you probably. And even though I’ve been doing this kind of work for so many years, the part of this whole thing that’s most obviously the same for everybody is that we all have to keep on doing the inner work, and sometimes that’s not easy. And for the first time in a long time, I got to the point where I didn’t have anything left to give, and I had to put all my attention on me and my life. And maybe that sounds selfish, but it was an exercise in self-love and self-acceptance, and such a humbling reminder that some of the people I’m talking to out there could be right in the middle of one of those really dark times where it’s so hard to actually get up and do much of anything. And that is actually the first indication for this practice.

Indications for Practice

Sometimes, there’s not just a lack of focus or motivation but a very real energetic deficit that can come into play. And when you’re overcome by any form of extreme internal upset, you can experience real physical symptoms and a real lack of physical energy that make it hard to do what you want to do and even what you absolutely know needs to be done. And I’m gonna keep using myself for an example. I started falling into that downward spiral… and I’ve told you before that one of my primary unhealthy coping methods is to look away from pain. That’s another indication for practice that might not be so easy to notice… I know I can be really good at pretending everything is okay. So good in fact that I believe it. I can bury my own needs, my own thoughts, my own behavior, and even my own actions, and ignore my own feelings so well that it’s even shocking to me when it all comes to the surface… And while I might tell you all the time that we need to notice the patterns and cycles that lead to that sinking feeling, and that’s true, we do, sometimes it happens so quickly OR so slowly that it’s hard to see it coming. Sometimes because of denial. And I’m not just talking about outright denying that some things are happening that shouldn’t, or not happening that should… I’m talking about literally not being able to see it. Not being able to recognize or admit it, even to yourself that that something has been buried. Sometimes we bury what’s really hard to face so deeply, out of fear or anger, or pain or guilt, or all of the above, for months or years, or even decades while it grows. And it can be devastating when you suddenly realize that you’ve been either knowingly or unknowingly sucked into that whole living a lie thing. That can take so many different forms. And sometimes when things feel like they're falling apart really quickly, it's hard to even know exactly what’s true… And for me, this time, I slipped into a headspace where I felt like my life didn’t have much to do with me anymore. I felt like it was always about somebody else. Somebody else’s problems were always more important. What somebody else wanted or needed was more important, and I just couldn’t do it anymore... And I knew there were lots of things that I should do, I knew there were things I needed to do, and of course, we all have things that we have to do. And sometimes there’s no choice but to just get up and do those things even when it’ hard. But there are other things that really do require the right kind of energy. And you can’t force them or fake them. And those aren’t usually things that you can fix overnight. It takes work. It takes perseverance..

And honestly, I’m grateful that I still had some awareness of where that sinking feeling could take me. I know the very real danger that can creep in with that feeling of wanting to disappear or give up completely. And I knew I needed help. So I got back into therapy when that ton of bricks hit me. And I did some work there this time that I’ve never done before. And if YOU know what that feels like, I want you to know that this is the time to get really focused on taking care of yourself first, because powering through like a good little soldier will probably just keep making things worse, and giving up isn’t the answer. So before we get into some ideas for what you might do to start turning things around I need you to know that if you are in one of those really dark scary places and you don’t know where to go for help there are so many resources for specific addictions and professionals that address every kind of mental or emotional crisis and that really is where you should start. All of this applies to not giving up on yourself. I know it sounds like a massive contradiction, but the most obvious indication for creating a practice focused on perseverance IS actually feeling like you want to give up.

Benefits of Practice

And the benefits of that practice are so broad, depending on your own situation and what you need to do for you right now. Perseverance is the principle that creates a habit, specifically healing habits, but the habits that you create are so specific to you and your current needs and goals. All of the work that we’ve done up to this point has been to get to this stage of taking action, and now we’re working on a plan that can help keep us moving in the right direction even when we’re going through hard times. Those healing habits are what kept me going. I doubled down on meditating and journaling. And I doubled down on meeting with my therapist because I knew that’s what I needed. I was going a couple times a week for a while and then once a week for a couple of years, because sometimes healing takes time. And that can certainly be said of any physical, mental, or energetic practice, or goal. When I started feeling a better, I doubled down again, on projects that I never seem to have time for. And over the last couple years I’ve written several books and created several new card and started working on creating courses. Not because I’m so great or because I can do something that you can’t, just because I decided to keep going. Working on all those things a little bit every day. They were all things that were very important to me that hadn’t been getting my attention… And creating that content reminded me that I didn’t want to give up on this. Even though it took a long time to get here, it brought me here.

I think the biggest benefits that come from applying this principle on a regular basis are only seen over time. You prove to yourself and everyone around you and the universe that you are making a lasting change, that you’re making progress. These are the results that come from going back to what you know is good for you and what you really want to create over and over again, and sometimes you don’t see the progress for a while. And it’s easy to get frustrated and quit too soon. And if you quit, sometimes it’s really hard to start again, but you should. It’s worth it to come back to what you want, over and over again. It’s just like lifting weights. It might be painful at first, and you might not see any results right away, but if you keep at it, you will make a meaningful change, and you’ll start to feel it, and then you’ll be able to see it, and then that change will be obvious to everyone. And that counts whether you’re talking about goals that relate to your physical health or anything else that you wanna make happen in your life. It takes practice, it takes concentrated effort, and it takes patience, but if you don't give up, the dark times eventually pass, and if you're doing what you know you need to do, the good things come. Not by accident. And usually not just because you’re lucky. Almost always because you were willing to put in the work.

Writing Exercise

 The writing exercise for perseverance is pretty straightforward. First, I want you to ask yourself if there’s anything in your life that still needs to heal. And just write about that for a while. I don’t want you to stir it up, and I don’t want you to get lost in it or stay in that space for too long. You’re not trying to figure it all out and fix it today. I just want you to be honest with yourself. Healing takes time… Perseverance is about giving yourself the time. Being honest with yourself about what you need. And finding a way to give that to yourself. Prioritizing your time so that you CAN take care of yourself, not giving up on the things that are important to you, not giving up on yourself, not giving yourself away to the point where there’s not enough left for you.

That brings us to the second part of the exercise. I want you to brainstorm a list of things that you know you should, or wish you could do for yourself. And these can be small things that would help you start creating a new habit, or little bite-sized pieces of a bigger project or goal that you do to make the big things happen. And if you say, you can’t think of anything, spend some time thinking on it a little harder, because we all have that voice inside our heads that keeps coming back around, nudging us, reminding us of what needs to be done. You’re the only one who knows what you need, but you do know. Your practice might be centered on getting physically healthy, or emotionally or mentally healthy, or on a goal, or dream, or purpose that you want to fulfill . And I don’t know what that is, and I don’t know if your life is crazy right now, if it is, and it feels like there’s not enough time for you, and what you need, I want you to really look for ways to make some. And if you’ve got the time, but you’ve been stuck for so long that it’s hard to get up and make something new happen, look for ways to make it happen. And that might be uncomfortable. I had to give up an in-studio class that I’ve been teaching for 15 years to come back to this podcast. That might not sound like a huge thing, but it was a big thing for me, and not just financially. I love teaching that class. But something had to give... And I don’t pretend to know your situation. But I know you know. I’m not saying you have to go out and quit your job. I’m saying look at your life and tell yourself the truth about where you spend your time and your energy, and prioritize your list. Then pick one thing that you know you need or want to start doing for you.. And spend a few minutes writing about why you want it, and why it would be good for you, and all of the good things that could come from making the time for it. Because that really is what we’re talking about, you’re the only one who can make the time and space for you.

CHALLENGE QUESTION

The question for Perseverance is, “Where is my energy going?” And sometimes it’s hard to get entirely honest with yourself about that. If your energy is spent on scrolling or focused on other people or caught up in your job to the point where there’s no time to do what you actually need to do for you. That’s a problem, and those are problems that get bigger over time.. And I’ve gotta tell you, maybe for the first time in my life, my answer to that question is, my energy is going to what’s best for me first, because that’s the only way that I’m gonna be able to be my best for anybody else. I still do most of the stuff I was doing before, but I feel different about it now. I’m still really busy doing things that people do for the people they love, as part of a family, living in a big, loud, crazy house, because there are things that just need to get done. But now I make time that’s just for me, and I make the most of that time. And I don’t spend it worrying about what anybody else is thinking or feeling. I spend it taking care of me, and this is part of that… this podcast is important to me. And I hope what you want is important enough to you to find a way to start doing it, and to keep doing it. Knowing that making a change in your everyday life that sticks might take a while.

We’ll talk more about how to stick with it next time. Thanks so much for being here. Check the links in the description for show notes and visit the website to see all of our beautiful new books and decks….. Something Honest is a Wellness Meetings production with original music composed and produced by James Mrotek at Mrotek Media.

This is Marta Mrotek, still sending out all the love and working on being well.