Talking truth about "self-improvement" as it relates to health, overall wellness and expressing the truest version of you. This is Marta Mrotek with Something Honest…..

There’s a big difference between trying to force your will in any situation and willingly engaging in the process. And when we’re looking for the connection between Surrender and Willingness, considering those areas of life that really do seem unmanageable, exerting our own will is almost always going to lead to disappointment. But once we get to the point where we can really let go and open ourselves up to the very real possibility that we don’t have to be the one running the whole show we have a chance to focus on what is our part, and put our energy into getting ready for it and getting it right.

Hey Everybody, this is Marta and today we’ll be doing some work to get ready for this week’s Challenge with some of the indications and benefits that relate to creating a practice that invites positive change. And a journaling exercise that wraps up kind of a three-part method for processing your inventory. Now I know I always say that you can pick up anywhere and just listen along, and you CAN but if you do want to do the writing part of this you will want to go back to the Study Journals for Courage and Integrity to really play along. If you’re all ready to jump in I hope you’ll stick around with me until the end for my answer to our challenge question for this week and some ideas for how you might answer it yourself.

We’ll start with some indications that point to when and why we might need to work on adjusting our attitudes and then we’ll go through some of the benefits before we get to one of my favorite writing exercises in this method.

So, let’s look at some of the characteristics and emotions that might indicate an immediate need for invitation practice so that you can use them as reminders to start changing your state and changing your attitude. One of the most obvious indicators for this one is Willfulness.

Indications for Practice

And I always like to add here that there isn’t really all that big of difference between being willful and being unwilling so they both apply here. And we’ll just talk about the difference first. The only real difference as far as I can tell is the intention behind it. When we’re willful, relying on self-will, we usually have lot of ideas about how everything should happen, and we’ve just decided that’s the way it has to be… Like really kind of a my way of the highway type vibe. To be unwilling is a similar energy but it’s just standing in strong opposition. It might not have specific ideas about what it wants but it’s just as strong in its refusal to comply. And VERY closely related to that is stubbornness. And the only big difference there is that when it comes to being stubborn, we’re just really totally digging in for the long haul and refusing to change our attitudes, or positions, or learn from our experiences in spite of every good and obvious reason. And we’ve talked about this a little bit before, but this really is one of those things that stands in the way of every solution. And while that can be pretty easy to recognize sometimes it can show up, more subtle, just as being closed off to exploring our options and even more subtle when we get to our last two indications showing up as hesitancy or just being unenthusiastic. 

We talked about this a lot in the Talking Points Episode with the idea that you really cannot be dragged into most meaningful change and especially when it comes to healing in the arena of emotions. Dragging our feet or even simple lack of interest or motivation can play a big part in delaying our progress.

Benefits of Practice

So if we want to talk about the benefits. And once again they are usually pretty easy to guess since most of them really are just the opposites of the indications.

We’ll start back up at the top with the most obvious which is willingness. And even though it is obvious I want to go back one more time to the relationship between Willingness and Surrender. Going back maybe to the analogy that we used for refining metal to make it stronger, stirring things up, turning up the heat and now really lighting it up and it’s on fire. Lighting that fire in the belly. You know what I mean? Like you’re totally lit up and into it now, whatever that is that you… And that fire burns off every bit of everything that doesn’t serve your true purpose and leaving you with something that’s entirely pure. Surrender says you can set it down now and, you know… maybe grow some flowers there someday to make it a little sweeter. But Willingness is more liking setting off fireworks to send out that energetic invitation with a whole lot more energy behind it. It’s got all the bells and whistles and bows. And it says out loud this is good, this is right, this is important.

And that leads to real enthusiasm and a sense of excitement as we get entirely ready to realize it, right? Getting ready to make something real, because we get it now. We’re not inside our heads trying to run the show anymore we’re in it and Faith really is getting stronger now.

A lot of this applies in some way to what they call the actor’s scenario from the Big Book of AA and it’s usually applied primarily to the Principle of Surrender but I like to bring it up here because it talks so much about the problems that go along with a life run on self-will. And I’m so firmly convicted that this absolutely does not mean that you can’t have things that you want or that you can’t make plans or have preferences about the way things might turn out. You can do all of those things if you are lined up and living in alignment with that higher moral code and listening to that higher version of you and willing to have all that stuff that you don’t need anymore removed. And especially when we’re talking about your own characteristics, certainly any and all of the above, and more, that have been standing in your way. If you’ve never read it, it’s a great read. It’s short. Google it and maybe just tuck it away in your mind to think about it whenever you feel that nagging voice in your head that says the show’s gotta go your way for you to be happy.

And I love drawing just a quick comparison here to Hindu, Buddhist and other yogic texts that talk about the concept of maya. It actually has a quite a few different meanings depending on what you’re reading but most of them point to the mental deception or illusion or even sometimes what they call the divine drama or play. The big idea behind all of it is that we’re all living right in the middle of a lie that we’re telling ourselves, or at least a really large-scale misconception. And believe me I could go on about this for a really long time but at the very least it says that we forgot who we are, so we’re not really plugged in or fully recognizing… realizing… that Higher Version of ourselves or the Higher Truth most of the time. And I mean that’s really is just the light version. And if any of that’s true it would make sense that we really might think that we’re running the show. Focused on the things that don’t really matter instead of what’s real and blind to the truth behind that veil of everyday illusion. We get caught up in it. All of our false perceptions and misidentifications come into play here and we really can become more and more frustrated when we just keep getting more of that same old stuff that we really don’t want. Even if that’s something that you don’t believe in at all the picture it draws in the mind can be useful for working on Surrendering to the process and growing Willingness for whatever comes next. If we really are the actor’s here, on any level, we probably can’t run the whole show all by ourselves and we probably could use some direction. And it makes a lot of sense that it usually doesn’t come until we let go and open ourselves up to it.

We’re going pause for a quick break here and we’ll get to work on a writing exercise that really is a healing practice in itself in just a moment.

We’re back and working on a writing exercise for reframing old stories and readjusting attitudes to get ready for the Willingness Challenge.

Writing Exercise

This is a journaling exercise that sends out an invitation for more of what you want and sets you up for the Practice Challenge where we’ll create an Invitation Ritual that really seals all of the work that we’ve been doing with Self-Study for the last few weeks. This is the second part of the confessional writing that we started last week based on that original inventory that we took in the Courage Study Journal.

You could just listen to this and follow mentally but, if you’ve decided to actually do the writing, this time I really would love it if you could stay with me the whole time, without listening ahead if you can. You will have to put me on pause often, probably, but, you know, so what. So before we start you’ll want to make sure you have your original inventory from the Courage Study Journal, the loose pieces of paper that you used for the confessional writing that we did for Integrity and a few more loose pieces of paper without being too picky about what kind or how any of it looks, since we won’t be keeping any of it. This exercise starts by laying out your original inventory and those loose pieces of paper and taking a moment to just real briefly refresh your memory about what you wrote and noticing anything on any of those pages that still has strong emotions or negative thoughts tied to it. And there is a good chance that you might already feel a little better about some of them but right now we’re actually looking for the stuff that still feels bad. Okay, pause me and go take a look at what you wrote.

Okay, this next part is really pretty simple, you’re going to take those new blank loose pages and just let yourself go on a long rant. You might want to go through in order, starting with your timeline, going through resentments, harms and fears, referring to what you’ve already written from time to time for some sense of direction or just to keep the thoughts stirred as you write. This time we’re not looking for that factual statement or taking the time to reflect on the big picture or the big truth. You’re just letting yourself say all the things without censoring yourself or thinking too much, writing pretty quickly so that it’s just kind of a stream of words to dump anything that came up about you or anyone else or any situation until you feel like you’re done. Make sense? Okay, pause and go.

Alright, you back with me? Nice, okay so now you’ll want another blank piece of loose paper and at the top write, “My Confession.” And you’ll look back at what you just wrote in that rant, and you can look at everything that you’ve written if you need to looking for anything and everything that you might call a character flaw. Anything that you can clearly see coming from those personal characteristics that have contributed to creating anything that’s on any of those lists. I can’t tell you what to write here.. you’re the only one who knows, but for me I knew that most of mine came from those old patterns, getting lost in shame, grief and sadness, worrying too much, afraid of being vulnerable and hiding who I was somehow, and a really passive but destructive desire to control the people I love, using my own self-will to try and fix or direct their lives for honestly, the sake of my own happiness… So I would write a few short statements of the facts about me as I see them. Something like...

I’ve been getting caught up in old patterns. Getting lost in shame, grief, and sadness. I’ve been worrying too much about the future. Too afraid of being vulnerable and hiding who I am. I’ve been trying to use my own will to fix or control people and things that are not mine to change. Period.

That’s my confession. Not all those details or all of the amends that I might need to make. Those are for another time. This is just about you on a really personal level, right now. Your characteristics. The things that really needed to be removed if you want lasting change.  Not a big long story. Just the facts as you see and feel them. It really doesn’t need to take that long, you know what these things are, you do… pause and write it out…

So when you’re done with that you’re ready for the final writing task. And you might have to think about this a little bit, so I’ll bare my soul again and give you my example again in a second. But you’re going to take out your journal and a the top of a brand new page write, “My Intention.” And one by one you will address each one of those statements on your confession and reframe them in, I mean, the very best possible light. Turning them around to match who you REALLY are and what you REALLY want to the extreme. And since you didn’t write a novel… right? And the statements are short and simple this doesn’t have to be hard. Sit there with that piece of paper and turn it around when you write it in your journal. So I’d write something like…

Now I know how to break all of those old patterns and I’m making new ones that are healthy. I know how to get grounded and use my emotions as pointers to practice something that’s good for me. I can see the future as simply something to plan for… I can be vulnerable and show people who I really am. I can let other people work on fixing themselves and just work on what’s mine to change. Period. Those are my intentions.

Your confession and your intention will likely turn out to be about the same length because you’re not getting overly wordy with any of it. You want to make this one look pretty. It’s in your journal you’re going to go back and look at it frequently. You can write it out in pencil elsewhere on a loose piece of paper if you need to until you get it how you want it.. I mean you really don’t need to do that but, again, if you’re weird like me you might… Do your best to use entirely positive statements that don’t include things like I’M NOT afraid anymore but more like I know where to find Courage. Stuff like that, you’re smart, you’ll figure it out. Not my way, just your way, until it feels right. And, I know, because I have done this exercise with many people over the years, that someone out there is going to say but that feels like a lie… And I want you to know that it absolutely is not. All of those new statements are true. Yes, we are using them as affirmations of your intent, and yes they may still be things that you need to work. But they are all true. Somewhere in you, you already are all of those things, you already have them, you’re just going to really put your attention on expressing them from here on out. You get me? Good. Pause, it won’t take long. Do it now.

Are you done?! All written out in your journal just the way you want it? If so, you’re ready for the last part, and I do realize there may be extenuating circumstances where you can’t make this last part happen right now, or some reason why you might have to do this another way, if that’s you get creative, but if you can I want you to shut your journal and go set it down next to your bed where you can read those intentions before you go to bed every night before you go to sleep and every morning when you wake up. Then I want you take, every single one of those loose pieces of paper and go outside and burn them. If it’s the middle of winter I suppose you could do this in a fireplace but, outside is best. In a grill or a firepit or make a little circle of rocks, we’re not trying to start a wildfire but it’s only like what? 3-6 pages tops I’m guessing? And I mean I want you to make this kind of a beautiful thing. I want you to watch it all burn until it’s totally gone. Give it your permission to go. Really get into it. Let the burden be lifted. Watch the smoke carrying it all away and feel that fire growing in your belly, that strong desire, that feeling of being entirely ready for something new, totally willing and excited for what comes next. Happy to get rid of all that stuff you don’t need anymore. So go. You don’t even have to come back for the rest of this, what you’re doing is way more important, you’re not gonna miss anything. The challenge question is, “Are you ready for an attitude adjustment?” And this is a big part of getting ready... So just go do it. Set it on fire and let it go for good this time.

If you’re still hanging in here with me, I will still give you my answer to this week’s question and I’m here to be honest with you,  and you know, attitude adjustments are things that we have to work on all the time. And the reason why this can be such a hard one to answer is that our attitudes can change pretty quickly. We can think we’re all lined up and getting it right and then all of the sudden something happens that takes us right back to some of those old patterns, thoughts and emotions and sometimes right back to some of those characteristics that get us into trouble. It seems like a simple yes or no question but if you really think about it, it’s not just asking if you want to do this thing or not, it’s asking if you’re ready… sometimes there’s work that we need to do to get there and you know, I’m just person, so sometimes I’ve really got to jump in there and do the work with you to get my own head on straight. I will tell you though that even though this whole method may take some practice it does work. So I’m right here with you.

I really do want you all to know how much I appreciate you for being here and being open to the process. I know it might be an odd format for this, but do think it’s worth your time and I really do hope it’s helpful. Come back for the Challenge Episode and make sure to get all THREE Willingness episodes for more on how to start sending out the invitation for something new.

Check our links in the description to find show notes on the Something Honest Podcast Page and go to wellnessmeetings.com for more about the Wellness Meetings Method….. Something Honest is a Wellness Meetings production with original music composed and produced by James Mrotek at Mrotek Media.

This is Marta Mrotek sending out all the love and so much gratitude. Until next time, let’s get to work on being well.